45 Oximorons...

45. Act naturally
44. Was found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Deafening silence
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt head
26. Military intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Child Proof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works

Joke -- Why you Need to know about your partner

         A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,"So ... you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion.
The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear,

"No! I Norwegian."

    

Personal Ad for You All

THIS HAS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST SINGLES ADS EVER PRINTED. IT IS
REPORTED TO  HAVE BEEN LISTED IN THE ATLANTA JOURNAL.                                  
                                                                           
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I
am   a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the      
woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing
trips,  cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me    
eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from   work, wearing only what nature gave me.                                   
Call (404) 875-5555 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...                 
 
 
 
 Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society    
about an 8-week old black Labrador Retriever.                             
               (Men, we are so easy).

Good advice for playing

You must get involved to have an impact. No one is impressed with the won-lost record of the referee.

-John Holcomb

What did I miss in North Jersey

I read the post the morning after a party held by a friend and her Yahoo group and it seems I missed out on a great fun time.

I was planning on going to catch up with friends and I had to work to 11:30 PM instead. I could never of made it there so, now I have to read what I missed out on.

How love Dies

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness & errors & betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings and of tarnishings."

Anais Nin (French born American Author of novels & short stories, 1903-77)

28 Sex Questions and My Ansewrs

1) Male or Female? Male
2) Single or married? Divorced
3) Do you lust for someone? yes
4) Love someone? yes
5) Are you an anal virgin? Giving - No

6) Favorite position? Front to back laying down
7) Last time you had sex? alone or ? lol
8) Are you a sexually active person? yes
9) Is there someone you want to have sex with and they dont know it? Yes

10) Are toys ok during sex? Yes
11) How about food? Yes
12) Do you masturbate often? yes
13) Have you had sex with anyone on your 360 friends list? yes
14) Have you ever faked an orgasm? No
15) Are you quiet during sex? Yes and No

16) Have you ever left someone because they could not please you in bed? No
17) Do you enjoy oral sex? Hell Yes but giving more than recieving
18) One place you'd love to have sex that you haven't? In a open field on a light rainy day or under the stars, opps did that on Blue Ridge Parkway in Roanoke, VA
19) Have you ever done it in a public place? yes
20) Do you enjoy morning sex? After a night of hot passion

21) Is foreplay a must? No as long as there is passion but usally yes
22) Music during sex? Yes, sometimes and along with candles
23) Have you ever slept with a friend's mate? No
24) Are you attracted to the same sex? No
25) Name one thing you won't do during sex? Wierd stuff LOL

26) Have you ever cried during sex? NO but does crying out of joy count?
27) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Hmmm
28) Would you have sex with the person that posted this? See Q 12 LOL

Joke for those of you who are tired Sunday morning

A man took a young woman to an X-rated movie, purchased some refreshments and showed his date to her seat.

Soon after the on screen action started, she put her hand on the man's lap. Looking over at him, she remarked: "I see this is getting you excited, too. But how come it's so cold?"


"Because you're jerking off my popsicle!" the man replied.

Homer Simpson Advice

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

-Homer Simpson

Parents find Son's S&M magazine joke

One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was very upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "

Well I don't think you should spank him."

Birthday Planning for a friends Birthday

Delco Guy: Happy birthday they then early if I don't see you Girl
HER: : aaaaaawwwwwwwww thanks
Delco Guy: your welcome
Delco Guy: what you getting for it?
HER: : how are you
HER: : nothing
Delco Guy: great and yourself?
HER: : ok
HER: : i wanted some fun but doubt that will happen
Delco Guy: awwww
Delco Guy: maybe I can make it you set time and place lol
HER: : well i having a party sat night although i am not supposed to know
about it and its at the lagoon and i just wanted to get played with good
but.....
Delco Guy: but what
HER: : i don't think it will happen one of the guys i used to mess with is
coming but i think his bitchy wifey is too
HER: : she don't like me
Delco Guy: what time is it?
HER: : 9-1
Delco Guy: hmmm
HER: : 9-12 is open bar $30/per person
Delco Guy: if I get from work at 8 I could make it
HER: : we are meeting outside the lagoon at 8:45
HER: : Hell I was even hoping that Amy could make it but she has plans
Delco Guy: yes she does party in north jersey
Delco Guy: you find another female you and your husband and me
HER: : i wish i knew of one i have been trying
Delco Guy: you up for me and your husband and you
HER: : as long as my "friend" holds out
Delco Guy: okay
HER: : well you have my cell number right
Delco Guy: I believe so
HER: : ok well call me sat early sometime and ill let you know about sat night
Delco Guy: okay
Delco Guy: or text me if I don't call as I working
HER: : ok
Delco Guy: what do you want to do. what your fantasy with 2 guys
HER: : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i just want to be played with
HER: : i hope that i could find a girl
Delco Guy: me too
Delco Guy: so you just want to lay back and be licked hmmmm think I can
do that
HER: : mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Delco Guy: you think your husband is okay with it
HER: : he will be
Delco Guy: okay
HER: : would be nice if i could just get another girl maybe another guy
Delco Guy: try and see
HER: : i will i will
Delco Guy: last I saw you you had 1 sweet pussy 2 nipples and 1 set of
very kissable lips
HER: : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yesssssss
Delco Guy: of course I want the first part to lick
Delco Guy: did you send a web cam request?
HER: : no my puter has been doing that lately
Delco Guy: okay
HER: : well off to bed i go
Delco Guy: okay and lets hope we can get 5 people together Sat night
HER: : that would be nice who knows well night hun
Delco Guy: nite back at you and e-mail me if you find out anything
HER: : ok
Delco Guy: should I bring digital camera
HER: : if you want
Delco Guy: thought you might want to remember it threw pics
HER: : mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Delco Guy: I view the video of you sucking the other day was nice to
remember
HER: : yeah i did too
Delco Guy: viewed it too LOL
HER: : LOL yeah

Chinese Fortune Cookies

Chinese Fortune Cookies, Have you Noticed that when you read them and you
add the words "IN BED" to them they still makes sense but make you also
feel good about yourself?
Go ahead and the next time you have one and read it do it and see the
improved results

Bob

A Blonde Joke I got today

A PLANE IS ON IT'S WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE

CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT

BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES ! TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE

SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON."

Wise saying that fits this lifestyle

In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

and another one

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.

-Kobi Yamada  

Thoughts on ........

Just a profile pic I found on internet. Got me to thinking that I would like to ride a motor cycle and be out there in the open breeze, BUT< I see how people drive and how they just don't see them all the time, including me.
I always give them more room between the back of their bike and the front of my car. I see people tailgate them, what they going to do if the bike goes down? There is no way they going to miss them, right. As for helments, well that is for me, why because I don;t know how I will react if I was in a accident with a rider and it wasn't my fault and me hitting him cause their death. In Dec 1980 I was in a hospital and saw a young driver just sit in a wheel chair and get pushed around. He could not handle that a motorcyclist died because of him, and he did nothing wrong. (Did that come out right)

So at my age getting up there I think I will settle on a convertable instead!